oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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