I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
