Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
