Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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