My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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