Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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