If i come over, it means nothing
My room smells like vodka and shame
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize