i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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