Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize