Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
