I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
