Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
