I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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