In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
