I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
