I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
