I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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