i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
