I am puke
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
