Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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