Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
