you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
