you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
