U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
