I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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