I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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