One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
