I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize