I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
