thus making me awesome and them whores
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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