My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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