I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize