god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
