you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
