We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize