Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she told me i tasted like america
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
