my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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