She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize