your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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