im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
