my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
