Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
