just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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