How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
