I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
