my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
