Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
is wine microwaveable?
this just has baby written all over it
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
