In America we eat man semen.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
