how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
