and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize