So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
