Christians are straight up FREAKS
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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