bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
