This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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