got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
