Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
