I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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