Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
