It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
