At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
