so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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