3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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