your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
