did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
