its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
