my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize