The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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